conversations

It's during the conversations with persons that realising that of late the feeling of falling down the "hole" Is not just merely falling. There seems to be a directional guidance of sorts. So instead of falling straight down and maybe ending with a resounding THUD. Perhaps more of a softer landing not quite so loud and startaling will occur. It's the cookies and flasks that are marked along the way one should pay attention to. Some are marked with specific instructions and others just simply say "partake". Understanding what to do with each one is very important. Timing is so relevant. What's frustrating about looking at the clocks and watches along this journey downwards, is that there are seemingly no numbers on them. And yet one is compelled to seek out the exact timing. Why are there time pieces when there's no numbers? Ah yes reality. This story was never about me, but truly about the Author and the finisher of the book.

new things/tumbling

I have learned a few new things about people in the circles i travel these days. Some very interesting things. Not many things take me by surprise but this certainly did. Sometime i just never know how things will play out until i play along. playing along is fun though, lets hope the game remains afoot. still looking through the "fog" I do see light, I have found some good things there. not as many bad things, feelings, thoughts, mystery?... yes definetly still tumbling down that hole, am i really looking for the white rabbit? or.., yes definetly the white rabbit. he holds most of the answers. While i catch glimpes of him and see the shape of his frame,and yet toudh. still not allowed to catch though, i suspect in "do" time will tell....

Random thoughts

It's funny how animals sense and know the presence of Daddy. My cousins dog "Apache" collapsed today and we took him to the e.r. He couldn't walk and of course he knew he was in pain and so did we. My cousin said" how am I gonna get him the car?" He knew he had to get himself up and get in that car. And he did. Now let's look at this. 1 he couldn't walk. But he found the strength to do so to get himself in the car. 2 He usually wants nothing to do with the car and yet he ran to get in there. If only I could get my arse in gear and do the things I know I need to do because no one else is gonna be able to help me but Daddy. Apache had no idea where he was going or what was gonna happen. He only knew he was gettin help and gettin in that car was darn important. If only I trusted so blindly that Daddy is there waitin...To help me....
oh yeah if anyone's really readin this.... He apparently tore ligaments in his knees. He is an older dog, black lab. They gave him shots and medicine, and he has to take glucosamine.

listen to hear if you have anything you need to say.... Thought for the day...

takin the pain away

While sitting here and waiting for this storm to come through many things are swirling in my mind. The events of yesterday, today, the weekend past. I only wish I knew what the days to come will hold in store. I had a strong sense of expectancy this morning. I finally have the opportunity to have praise and worship while on the job. Something in the atmosphere has changed so that I can get a descent station in. How refreshing not to be barraged with all the classic love songs and other music that has a tendency to remind me of the past and taint me for the future. Daddy truly has been merciful in this season. I know it's preparation, for what I am not exactly sure. I just know it's big and things are in a shifting mode. I prefer to stay in the worship mode. Occasionally something happens to distract me from my place.

I realized some things last night while I was trying to sleep. Daddy was dealing with me on disappointments. In man and in Him. Yes I mean being disappointed with my heavenly father. Now we have been told God will never disappoint us and He wont. It's our expectations that we, I put on Him that has caused me to be disappointed in Him. I think things I want and need should be done according to me and the way I feel. And that's just not the way the story is supposed to be. Now I have my own free will but I still rely on Daddy for the big picture and if I truly said I'd put my trust in Him then I should truly trust Him. And not lobby expectations on Him. I am human and that's hard not to expect. After all we have been told to be expecting God to do this or that. So how do I not put expectations on Him or man. Well that's what I am learning right now.

This song is such a blessing, I have been hanging on to this, these promises are for me.
Kirk Franklin and Nu nation

He'll take the pain away, I know, he'll take the pain away, x3

though you been searching for such a long time, searching for hope and some peace of mind. There's a friend who will step in, on time.

God will take the pain away. He'll take the pain away. God will take the pain away. He'll take the pain away.

you've been searchin over here and over there, only God can take your pain away. I tried him formyself and I am a little witness . That god will take the pain away.
chorus.

stand on his word hold on don't give up

If any man be in Jesus he will take the pain away. God will, he' ll take the pain away I know. If any man be in Jesus he must be born again. Repeated, chorus

trust in his word. Hang on it, stop frettin god will take the pain away. God will take the pain away, chorus
lean on his word. Believe it, don't give up. God can take the pain away
chorus

can God after all the wrong I've done, I dare u get down on your knees and begin to pray to the father sayLord incline your ears to me and he will heal you he will hear your cry and mend your broken heart, have faith and believe. Have faith and believe all u got to do is believe, come on and believe. He will take the pain away, deliverance in the praise. Worship him.

deep with in 2

As I sit and think about the fog that has been cleared away I still find myself pushing through even more. While still wondering about the high place and praying for the loved ones their I can't help but fall even more for the those in the low place. I miss the atmosphere up there. The smells, the sounds, the sights, the feels. Those things are down here too but it's different down here. There's so much expectation down here. Too much expectation down here as I discovered couple weeks ago. There's even more confusion as to which way the arrow points. I am not sure if I have made a wrong turn. It felt ok when I went there but now uncertainty has tried to set in. Ah this fog! The vapors that swirl down here are heavier than before. There is definetly more at risk. The more time that is spent communing is glorious and inspiring and yet daunting. Thankful for dialogue and precious time spent, knowing it all leads to where ever the end is, as long as it's in the shadow of the protector. Thankful for protector. Time is precious and does seemingly stand still both here and up there.
Here is quiet yet again. I will try to remain quiet and listen for what I can hear.

SO is Elsewhere kinda like Far Far Away and Forever? you know they must exist because they are written but really I haven't grasped the reality of them. Ok so i have been bored outta my goured the last 2 days. I knew what lay ahead on these seemingly important but not highly celebrated holidays at my house. We(5 or 6 of us) used to gather for cookouts and time together but now there are more of us togather. There are so many. One gets lost in it all. It is all just kinda like fog, One really just gets lost. For we and time are just vapor. Nothing is as it used to be. Nothing will ever be the same. That is both neither good nor bad. It just is. And yet it is hard for me to just let it be. Deep isn't it. I was told a bit ago I was like a deep well. I suppose it's time to explore what is really deep within. While uneasy about the thought of that but also intrigued, I try to forge ahead into the fog, the vapor that we just really are.
Ok so I am neither a poet nor a writer I feel. And yet I find I need to write. Perhaps the solitude and loneliness can get the better of me, however it does inspire me to sit and write, or rather ramble. I am not quite sure what one creative mind would call it. Please don't tell me to put this on a blog, I don't think I could stand the feedback. I don't even know if any of this makes sense.

I have felt abit like Alice falling down the rabbit hole. Not sure which way is up or down, in or out. I only know I have seen a few wild things and obscure things and noisy things, mad and insane things. I have seen things about myself I don't like, but good things about people I love. A little more like the Chesire Cat I feel. Wanting the things that bring a false sense of security but yet looking through the smoke knowing that's not what I really want. Knowing what and whom I want but not knowing how or where I can have them. I do see light through the smoke but what does that mean? More light or more smoke? Not sure if I like this going deep thing.
I know there are good things in there and I know there are bad things in there. I only hope I can find enough of the 2 things in there in equal measures so I can find my way out.

In traveling to the high places lately, going blindly where I have not seemingly gone before, it really had a familiar feel and scent to it. Like I was there before and yet knowing in the natural I was never there. Being at peace and at ease in the midst of the storm is refeshing. Entering into a newly established circle blindly is a little daunting but knowing deep within you have the tools to go is more reasurring than I thought. Finding out that the opportunity to travel to the high place was a possibilty was both daunting and exhilarating. While traveling in the high place there seems to be security and yet in an instant security is washed away and sorrow sets in. Even though sorrow was present, peace and understanding had settled in. Tranquil and quiet was the highplace and yet noise and sorrow lurks about. Upon leaving the high places sorrow and yet peace had been in the air along with mourning and tears. Beautiful tears of mourning and yet tears that had understanding. For still the high places hold mystery and wonder, questions unanswered but yet hope and love. Coming down through the high places I realize I do belong and yet I am still a stranger. But hope does peek through the fog as a light. How much fog and how much light, how much entry way, well I am really not sure. I only know it is a journey and there are loved ones along the way. Waiting and hoping in the fog to continue on the journey is where I am and will be.